Sarah Too

Well, spring is almost here and I am getting a lot of questions from a lot of friends and family concerning getting back in shape, losing that last 5 pounds, or how to do CrossFit without paying for it. The answers are pretty simple, and here's a hint. You already know the answers.

In this modern age, with the overabundance of information available through the internet, social networking, TV, magazines, and books, there is NO excuse for not knowing how to get in shape and stay in shape. I know this because I see all the damn fitness and nutrition links y'all pin on Pinterest or post on Facebook. The methods of getting in shape have been the same since the first man or woman said, "Do I look fat in this loincloth?"* The straight up short answer is:


*No loinclothed man or woman ever said that because Taco Bell, McDonald's, added real/artificial sugars/sweeteners, and processed foods did not exist. Those ancestors ate only what they hunted, gathered, or grew themselves.


Now, onto the nitty gritty of the how-to because most of you readers are curious folks that apparently want to know "exactly" how this whole "getting in shape" thing is done.

A few words on my background first, for putting this whole rant/how-to into context. I was not an athlete as a kid. I was naturally slim. I did ballet and dance on and off for most of my childhood and college years. I watched A LOT of TV in middle school and high school. A LOT. I am, to this day, a master couch holder-downer.

I began long-distance running in graduate school because I packed on 15 unwanted pounds. My breaking point: having to buy clothing one size up. As a poor graduate student, this was unacceptable. I ran for 5+ years as my only form of fitness training before starting boot camp. I did boot camp for 1 year before picking up CrossFit. Throughout this time, I continued eating and drinking whatever the hell I wanted - bacon cheeseburgers, cheese fries, fried...anything, chocolate chips and peanut butter, cereal for breakfast and dinner, bagels and cream cheese, crackers and cheese. Basically, dairy and carbs. Read my previous posts on this blog for more background on how I cleaned up my nutrition.

Ultimately, I fell in love with CrossFit and never looked back. I now own a CrossFit gym and I am a CrossFit coach. Therefore, I believe in short, intense, HEAVY workouts. I no longer enjoy running and all the dipshit, niggling injuries that accompany that endeavor (IT Band syndrome, tight hip flexors, blisters, plantar fasciitis, etc.). Further, I no longer eat crap on a regular basis. I've gone through 2 complete Whole30s where I cut out grains, legumes, dairy, soy, alcohol, and sugar. I know how to cook now. I read labels. I believe in shopping the perimeter of the grocery store and following a mostly grain- and added-sugar-free existence. I maintained the same weight for nearly 10 years.

So, where to start?


Do you know what good nutrition is? Do you eat out more than you eat in? Do you make your own lunch and bring it to the office each day? Do your meals consist mostly of vegetables? Do you drink plenty of water? What do you snack on? How much processed food are you consuming? Do you know what is considered a "processed food"? If you don't know the answers to these questions, it's time to take a good, hard, and honest look at your daily diet.

[FYI, the word "diet" doesn't mean what you think it means. It doesn't mean calorie restriction and cleansing. The official definition of "diet" is "The kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats."] 

Therefore, start logging what you habitually shove in your gom. Again, in this modern day and age, there are so many FREE resources for logging your food either on paper, in a diary, online, or on your smartphone. Take one week to just observe what you throw in your mouth and at what time. Don't censor or change your habits. Then, look for trends. Do you have a Diet Coke or candy bar every day at 2 PM? Do you skip breakfast every day? Do you eat out at lunch every day getting the Italian BMT sandwich with a soda and chips?

If there is one piece of diet advice that ever made a difference it is this:


Start reading labels. Don't buy anything that has sugar, cane sugar, fructose, maltodextrin, dextrose, sucrose, sucrolose, aspartame, Splenda, NutriSweet, or any other form of natural or artificial sweetener added to it. In fact, don't buy anything that has more than 5 or 6 PRONOUNCEABLE and RECOGNIZABLE ingredients listed. So, that drops out most breads, ALL sodas, and most processed foods found in the middle shelves of the grocery stores (e.g., cereal, chips, crackers, sauces, and pastas).

The other piece of diet advice:

Make your own meals and make it a daily habit.

Stop eating out for lunch every day. Stop eating out in general. Yes, it's more effort. Yes, it takes more planning. YES, alcohol and chili cheese fries are delicious. However, a weekly habit of chili cheese fries and beer will make you feel bloated and gassy and will keep that spare tire of flab hanging around your middle. Not to mention the hangover and sluggish feeling you'll have the entire next day (especially if you are over the age of 23). Save those indulgences for special occasions, like when your rec league team actually WINS a game ;) Focus on getting onto your plate or in your lunchbox a load of vegetables with some protein and some fat on top. The veggies will give you all those good nutrients and free-radical fighting antioxidants, while the fat and protein will keep you feeling full and satisfied.

So that's Number 1: your nutrition. It forms the basis of everything else you do. Crap in = crap out. Eat like crap, feel like crap.


Oh look, it's the exercise portion. The part where you try to look like a supermodel or famous actor. How does this portion work? Well, it ain't gonna happen without you doing something, ANYTHING, nearly every day for at least 20 minutes. And it better involve weights heavier than 5, 8, or 10 pound dumbbells. You don't need an effing gym.

There is an overabundance of resources for workouts and training programs that require VERY little in the way of special equipment. CrossFit, OF COURSE, comes to mind. At the very least, you need a jumprope, a 25-35 pound kettlebell, and a pullup bar. Hell, you don't even need schnazzy shoes for most CrossFit workouts. You can go barefoot. A great .PDF of bodyweight and minimal equipment workouts is available. Find a friend and push each other to finish 3-4 workouts a week, either together or at least reporting to each other.

If you want to do full-on CrossFit workout without paying for it, you will need a pullup bar, a barbell with at least two 45-pound plates, two 25 pound plates, and two 10-pound plates, a 35 pound kettlebell, and a jumprope. You can do most of the WODs listed at CrossFit.com and the site has all the demo videos you need to perform the common lifts. You can also check out my gym's website for nutrition and fitness information. Just start with light weight until you become proficient, then start going up. I cannot stress enough the importance of strength training for boosting metabolism, burning fat, and firming up the flab.

Other resources include the workout programs for "mature athletes", swimmers, women, pregnant women, and men at Breaking Muscle. Again, not a lot of equipment is needed. If you want to try running, there is no shortage of training programs available for beginners, intermediate, and advanced runners. "Google That Shit," as my friend would say. Check out Netflix, your cable's OnDemand menu or your library for workout and yoga videos.

Ultimately, find something you ENJOY doing for a workout and STICK WITH IT. It doesn't have to be just workout exercises - it can be activities. Go indoor rock climbing. Go canoeing. Hiking. Paddleboarding. Start signing up for obstacle course, adventure, trail, or road races and begin training for them. Dance. Play with your kids in the yard, in the house, at the playground. Have impromptu squat, burpee, or pushup contests in the office after lunch.


Get yourself out of breath. SWEAT. Get sore. Push yourself and see of what you are capable. Rise to the challenge because you will enjoy your workout more when you feel you accomplished something and/or learned something new. If you're coasting through workouts, then your body will plateau. You will see no more strength gains. So switch it up and try something new. Add more weight. Do exercises you hate until you get better at them (e.g., pushups, dips). Go harder and faster for shorter periods. Workout with someone stronger and/or faster than you. Try a new activity. Never settle for just checking the box.

And the last and most important piece of getting "back in shape" and "staying in shape"?

Number 3:
NO FUCKING EXCUSES

It is not too expensive to eat real food and exercise. You do have time and energy - whether you have zero, one, or 10 kids; whether your spouse is an unsupportive, lazy douche; whether your job is 80 hours a week; whether you travel all the time; whether you have hardware in the ankle that you broke when you were 12; whether you are missing an arm or in a wheelchair; whether you are depressed. And if you really can't fit in a workout, then you sure as shit better eat clean a majority of the time and get enough sleep.

You make time for the things you TRULY care about. 

Do you care about your own health? Do you care about what you eat and what is in the food you eat? Do you care whether your body will function as well at 50 as it did at 30? Do you care whether you can keep up with your children or whether you can participate in life? Do you want to solve health issues with pills and surgery or with enjoyable daily exertion of your limbs and food that you know is good for you?

Be honest with yourself. Commit to your own health. Take responsibility for YOUR body and YOUR health. No doctor knows your body the way you can and do know it. Then, find some friends that share this commitment and kick each others' asses. It's more fun when you can snark on each other while working up a sweat and eating clean (or rejoicing in the occasional indulgence). If you're doing it right, you can accept the body flaws every man and woman has (because the body is ever-changing) and you can enjoy sweets or salty treats without feeling guilty or binging over the edge. You know the answers, now get out there and act on them.


Rant over. Peace out.